Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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