rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
