I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
