ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
