im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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