You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
