dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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