Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
