Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
