sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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