mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
