She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
