Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
