6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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