My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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