my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
