I think I just saw someone hide a body.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
