lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
