Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
