I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
