Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
