Don't make out with my wife yet
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
