There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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