So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
