Porn is love you can see.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
