Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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