Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
