apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
