well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
