Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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