Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Im just a social blackout drinker.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
