you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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