he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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