She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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