I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
