Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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