if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
