I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
