but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?