WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight