i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you inspire me to be a worse person
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
