My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
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He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
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Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying