Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house

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  (512): My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house http://tfl.nu/7hx1
  Replies (2) Good night (1116) Bad night (1346)
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  (718): View more from New York

  Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up

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  (718): Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up http://tfl.nu/269s
  Replies (7) Good night (605) Bad night (3865)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung

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  (413): i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung http://tfl.nu/rtj3
  Replies (48) Good night (13645) Bad night (1175)
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  (949): View more from California

  I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.

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  (949): I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar. http://tfl.nu/limh
  Replies (8) Good night (4722) Bad night (820)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.

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  (949): I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation. http://tfl.nu/uflu
  Replies (4) Good night (3224) Bad night (1126)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I hate freshman.

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  (631): He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them. (205): I hate freshman. http://tfl.nu/44or
  Replies (23) Good night (1973) Bad night (5380)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.

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  (917): and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower. http://tfl.nu/wwsw
  Replies (9) Good night (2665) Bad night (1014)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts

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  (630): btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts http://tfl.nu/hxut
  Replies (4) Good night (3779) Bad night (994)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever

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  (570): After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever http://tfl.nu/uu6v
  Replies (15) Good night (2747) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me

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  (559): His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me http://tfl.nu/qdk0
  Replies (6) Good night (1888) Bad night (702)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.

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  (801): Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away. http://tfl.nu/018f
  Replies (8) Good night (1651) Bad night (778)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me

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  (504): i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me http://tfl.nu/qsky
  Replies (9) Good night (2215) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out

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  (519): Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out http://tfl.nu/ezsq
  Replies (18) Good night (2322) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.

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  (801): You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age. http://tfl.nu/6o7l
  Replies (3) Good night (869) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?

  (1-618): View more from Illinois

  Proceed with caution.

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  (618): Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right? (1-618): Proceed with caution. http://tfl.nu/mnud
  Replies (0) Good night (541) Bad night (316)

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