My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So vagazzling was a success
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life