farters have to be the big spoon...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
