peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
