who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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