I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
