the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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