I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
why is half of my head shaved?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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