apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
