I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
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he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
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The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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