he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
