Will you blow on my dice?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
