Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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