I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
