Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
