you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
