He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I need to align my fucking chakras
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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