My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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