Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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