Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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