I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
