Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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