How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Barsexuality is the new black.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize