Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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