I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
