I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
