hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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