You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
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Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
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You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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