I love black thongs
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
