you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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