I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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