anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
