I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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