if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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