Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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