He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
