I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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