If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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