I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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