I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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