My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
